Everything Bella Peppers

Hits Tastes like summer…on Sunday morning…in New York…This recipe is simple, seasonal, regional and amazing! Thank Fallon and _2boardMom crew for sharing!

Misses Nothing for me, but I am on the hunt for vehicles of this special combination which are not peppers. I don’t miss an op to have peppers especially in the summer but my Mamma does not eat them…Celery? Carrot boats? perhaps ….

Ingredients:

Everything Bagel seasoning - they sell it everywhere these days but if you’re local in Beacon I know they have it at the Bagel shop on Main Street

Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese

Mini sweet peppers, raw

So…An everything bagel spent a passionate evening in Philadelphia with this stunning bell pepper…the rest is history

This summer appetizer is strangely comforting, oddly healthy and well just very awesome …awesome AWESOME awesome. Simply core and cut the peppers down the middle. Put a generous schmear (not a typo autocorrect) of cream cheese on each side and liberally sprinkle with everything bagel spice. Sprinkle it with such a liberal hand the ACLU sends you a free membership card. Yes, very very liberally.

Garlic Shrimp with Peas

This recipe lets the peas, my seasonal abundance, sing…

Hits Super simple, super awesome…The hard work of shelling my English peas paid off and well, it was not such hard work

Misses Not much honestly. The original recipe called for making a stock with the shells of the shrimp but this step was such a miss because I bought frozen shrimp sans shrimp. I would make this again with fresh caught shrimp because it would probably be even better. Without seafood stock, I used chicken stock and it was super awesome. If you’re a pescatarian, I would try to find shell on shrimp, and use the original recipe’s suggestion to make stock with the shells.

The key to this bright healthy dish is finding recently harvested English peas…

Ingredients

• lb of shrimp, shell on (if you intend to make stock) or shelled (if you intend on using chicken stock

• Salt to taste

• 1 ½ pounds fresh English peas, shelled (1 1/4 to 1 1/2 cups depending on size)

• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

• 1 head green garlic or 6 garlic cloves, minced

• ¼ to ½ teaspoon red chile flakes, to taste

• ⅓ cup finely chopped cilantro

• ⅓ cup finely chopped parsley (optional)

• 3 cups of chicken stock (if you are not making seafood stock)

Peas. Please.

Shell your peas and count your blessings you can take part in this ritual your great grandparents did on something resembling a porch

keep shelling

Making progress

Finished!!!!!

Salt your shrimp and let them sit for 15 minutes. While they are marinating. make your shrimp stock (follow instructions in source recipe ) or bring your prepared chicken stock to boil in your medium saucepan. When boiling, add the peas and cook for 2 minutes. Remove the peas with a slotted spoon, reserve, and set aside 0.5 cup of whatever stock you are using.

Vampires Beware…Garlic up in Here (yes, say it in your mind like it rhymes…maybe like you’re kind of a rapper)

Add 2-3 tbls of oil to your skillet and heat. When hot, your 5-6 diced garlic cloves (you can add more, but don’t subtract), and red pepper flakes. Cook until aromatic on medium low (in the name of everything high and holy please don’t burn the garlic) and then bask in your garlic goodness…

Add the shrimp and cook until shrimp are done on both sides, making sure not to overcook.

PSA: We have found a perfect marriage of surf and summer harvest

(Don’t keep it to yourself)

Add the peas, reserved stock and salt to taste. Cook covered for 3-5 minutes on medium low.

yum af.

When integrated eat over Ramen or Soba or even traditional rice. If you’re kind of carb adverse like me, you could even add a little bit of starch, and just enjoy the heartiness of the peas.

Well gente, for some weeks in May and June I could not access the internet in my house, and then it got so hot, and well, now we are here and I have not posted a Miss D Cooks recipe in over a month. If you’re embarrassed for me, thanks. Embarrassment shared is well, easier. If you are the idiot who changed the password on my internet and then my email, your embarrassment should be yours to wear like a Family school sandwich board every where you go….yes jerk, they should make you wear a sign which says “I think interfering with the delivery of a basic utility is funny.” It’s felony, but you should have to wear a sign which says you think it is funny. ha ha..kinda.

I have a few recipes to post in a backlog, but honestly I have not been cooking as much and when I made this recipe I was reminded why cooking is so much better than eating a hot dog and calling it a day. Nothing against hotdogs, but they don’t say “Miss D Cooks” because I only microwave beef franks.

My schedule is such I don’t always make it to the farmers market, but when I have the chance I always feel grounded in so many things including my commitment to nourish myself and my awareness I am headed int the correct direction. At a time in central New York when I felt unanchored and scared, I found myself taking photos of the abundance of the farmers market there which was such an embarrassment of riches. Even when I could not afford to buy things, I would make sure my phone was charged (even if it was not connected to a provider) so I could take photos of everything from Italian plums to huge mountains of corn. When I started to receive food stamps I eagerly used my allotment to buy produce which was so good it would have embarassed even the local produce in the local Wegman’s. It honestly blew my mind, the genius-like fairness of people with little being able to support local farmers, many of whom are so proud they would not apply for government assistance but who surely at times would qualify for it. I did not ever think I would be receiving food stamps but when they happened, going from having no food stability to having it moved me to tears of gratitude. The ability to participate in simple routines with dignity, like supporting local sm businesses affirmed to me then and affirms to me now, this: these helping hand programs for people in need have such a place in our world. In my life I had experienced such success and yet, the times I got this opportunity to buy produce, in the form of tokens in an extremely financially depressed urban area, it gave me back part of myself. It reminded me what I always thought was important, what defined me, was still real and possible because I was still able to use my little bit of financial power to make a slight statement. This humble program gave me back the courage to warm up my vocals so today I can use my voice. So much of who we are is more than our name and it is way more than what has happened to us- it is what we believe, what we eat, how we serve, who we love, what causes we support and what is key to our happiness. This program which allows people (like I was) who society labels as “people in need “ because they have unmet needs, to support local farmers was such a special gift to me personally.

When I had actual money I tried to support farmers there and when I have had it since, I have done the same here.

There’s not much I miss about that time of my life, but the variety at the Farmers markets is on the list. I unexpectedly had time to go to the Beacon Farmer’s Market this Sunday and I left with cherries (which I have been making my way through this whole week) and a big carton of peas. I am left with the realization there is no polite and ladylike way to eat cherries at your desk at work and the realization cherries taste sweeter when you know they’re from your relative backyard. I don’t like cherry vanilla yogurt but cherries from the tree, harvested within the past 24 hours- YES PLEASE! These peas did not disappoint and honestly I just was reminded of how much we owe farmers and all the people who have a hand in growing, harvesting and delivering our food. We are lucky (those of us who read this blog and live in the Hudson Valley) to be near people who bring food to our tables, and I would like to take this moment to say food from my farmers’ market just tastes better.

Thanks growers and all who support them! Having grown my own vegetables I know how hard it is to nurture plants from seed to table and I am humbled to have been able to speak on this today.

My side note: Please understand my decision to talk about some of the chapters of my life which might invite judgment more openly in this forum was not taken lightly, but people whose journey involves navigating hardship and poverty without the benefit of the advocates I have had, deserve for me to give voice to what I have learned… I have decided I have a responsibility to advocate for people who might have suffered as I have, but who have not ever known the privilege I have enjoyed my entire life. My having had some sadness, some connection to what it feels like to be scared or hungry or hurt does not make me not qualified to be treated as a grownup, it does not make me a person who should not be trusted with children and if does not make me damaged or hurtful. It has made me, because of how I have chosen to process what has happened to me through the lense of my very crunchy interpretation of my faith, a person who sees all people with more compassion than I would have had, given my privilege, my advantages and my gifts. This idea, that the people the world has tried to break hurt other people overlooks the spirit of kindness and wisdom which exists in so many people who consider themselves survivors. If your humanity survives, you have managed to be better than everything which has ever been expected of the hurt, the victimized and the sad. Being poor or in need does not make you dishonest; it just makes you profoundly aware of the power of “having” and after your poverty has ended, it makes you aware sometimes “not having” seems to visit all the wrong people. Poverty happens to brave, kind, hardworking people all the time; we just so rarely hear people talk about it…

I am talking about it

Wasabi and Soy Marinated Tuna Steak with Creamy Wasabi Garlic Sauce

Hits Well, this recipe is super flavorful, requires very little marinading time and feels super ‘spensive. Usually I cook my tuna for more time than pretty much everybody says you should because I have a super sensitive stomach, but I made this recipe twice…the second time I did not cook it into smithereens. Yes, I’ll admit it was more flavorful and I probably should have tried this a while ago. This recipe is for grilled tuna but I made it in my house in my nonstick skillet with considerable success. The trick to tender, I have to remind myself, is to keep the lid on.

Misses Not much honestly. The initial time I made this, I made the sauce but I did not sufficiently finely dice the garlic so it was kind of distracting in terms of how it looked and how it tasted. This sauce really requires a garlic press so since I don’t have a garlic press (my old tool perished in the fire), I used powdered garlic when I made it the second time.

Ingredients

Wasabi Sauce

tsp of wasabi powder

tsp of water

tsp of rice wine vinegar

2 tbls of mayonaise (I used reduced fat)

1 garlic clove VERYVERY finely diced or garlic powder

Tuna

tbls soy sauce

tbls of vegetable oil

0.5 tsp of wasabi powder

2 fresh tuna steaks

Wasabi and Water

Simple ingredients make such magic together. Make the sauce by combining the wasabi powder and water. Let it sit for 9-11 minutes or until it has become a paste.

Saucy, Very Saucy.

Mix the remainder of the ingredients until the liquid is smooth and integrated.

*If you dice actual garlic cloves don’t freak out if they’re visible. This versioned pictured has powdered garlic.

Marinate on this…

This recipe takes a few ingredients but the flavor is massive. Create the marinade by combining soy sauce, oil, wasabi powder. Marinate the tuna for at least 5 minutes.

what’s cookin’?

Tuna, and oh man is it going to be good!

Add your marinated steak to a hot pan with a tsp of olive oil, turn on to medium / medium low. Cover but check periodically you don’t need to add more oil. Tuna is very lean so there’s not much natural fat to cook itself in.

Hey Good Lookin’!”

Your tuna is done when it has a sear on all sides, which means you might need to turn it using tongs to sear the sizes. Cook to your preferred level of doneness - I know the soy sauce gives it an unusual color, but honestly don’t judge your fish by their cover..or something like this

Give your tuna a rest

Then say “ Wake up, it’s time to get sauced.”

When it has finished cooking, let your tuna rest outside of the pan. When it has rested, cut it into individual pieces as you would cut a steak and drizzle with what is your sauce which is your own special version of Asian inspired Aoli….

The war against hunger is truly mankind’s war of liberation. ~ John F. Kennedy

Honestly there have been times when buying Tuna was something I would do without thinking and there are times when I could afford to do it is remember what something expensive tasted like. When I have something I have at times not been able to afford, I try to treat it with care and love. This post was hard for me to write because it involves talking about being hungry and it involves revealing parts of my past which I am embarrassed about. I should not be embarrassed; I grew up in the land of plenty, so despite my woke understanding I did not cause this, I still am. When I cook things I have not been able to afford for a while I am reminded, sometimes almost painfully about what it was like to look at the protein counter and have to pass it by.

This post is not a lecture. it’s kind of meditation on gratitude. Many people who have experienced hunger or food insecurity in their households do have a different kind of appreciation for food. If you are built like me you feel gratitude for food in a way you didn’t before everything got scary and you had nothing to eat. The reality is last year, almost 56 million people experienced food insecurity in their households and this means 56 million people were scared they would have no food to eat. This does not include the households who had food but not necessarily food they wanted to eat, households which could not afford produce, or the people who were too embarrassed to talk about their lack of being able to meet their own basic need of feeding themself. In this land of plenty we do place a value judgment on people who seem to not be able to meet their own needs and we also don’t value how hard it is to be poor. To be a member of the working poor, a group of people who nobody seems willing to talk about, means you are trying to meet your own needs, you are managing with your own meager resources. you take pride in trying to provide for yourself even though your efforts don’t result in financial security or power, you make decisions EVERY DAY to forgo luxuries to pay for necessities and you confront everyday the reality that the people who make the laws and the rules largely ignore now hard you are working. It means standing in grocery lines eying people’s carts in line who seem to not be thinking about the cost of their out of season produce, their expensive proteins and their brand name cookies, and trying to reason why, despite all your trying, the brand name cookies are not in your price range. Being working and poor means you spend a lot of your time and energy making very little but it means you are trying. Since I have had some spectacular reversals of fortune and I have clawed my way through these things, I can see how sometimes nonsensical the universe is in terms of who is an anointed “haver” and who is somebody struggling to make ends meet. There is something so noble about trying to make it, and still succeeding at holding on to your humanity.

When I buy something expensive, even if it is something I need, I am filled with this doubt about how necessary it was. When I treated myself to this tuna, it made me nervous. Seven dollars for 2 pieces of tuna seems like negligible money, but I have fed myself with $15.00 for the entire week so this tuna purchase made me wince.

When I made this I made it to add some variety to my blog but also because I wanted to reassure myself my having had so little does not mean that I deserve to have so little. I’m a person who has made none of the bad decisions people say poor people or hungry people make, and I am also a person who has at times had a considerable amount of income. The argument that the poor are poor for a reason holds so little water when examining my life, that it should be a firm rebuttal to people who insist they have because they deserve to have more than people they claim don’t work as hard as them or people who they say are just not trying hard enough. Are there lazy poor people? Yes, but somebody who works an hourly job every day with no security and no fanfare doing something unglamorous or dirty or boring or dangerous is not lazy. Not even close.

I am making my way out of a financial mess I did not create and trying to do it the correct way. There have been bills I could not pay and there have been things I have bought to get me to the place I want to be, like nice comfortable sustainable shoes and a sundress which will make me feel beautiful I can wear all summer, other people might not have spent their money on. This tuna, people might say, I should not have splurged on if I have yet to make my student loan payment, but in reality I have made all the decisions I could make with an eye towards emerging from this whole. My student loan is on hold because I had so little and I am looking forward to being able to pay it because as a proud person who has been very poor, I define part of my worth, perhaps unfairly, on my ability to be independent and handle my responsibilities. I’m a person with advocates, an understanding of my skills, a memory of feeling valued by the world and I am also a person of faith, so I perhaps have weathered this downturn better than many people would have. What I have learned is you have to make sure your decisions are things you can answer to yourself for, because you are the only person whose approval you should always unconditionally seek out. I have feet problems, problems which were made worse from walking around for years without a car and decent shoes, so I need good shoes or I won’t be able to move, walk or do my job it was hard to get. Part of myself which I love is the part which loves clothes, and I have been in a position where I have been to not feel pretty or wanted, so an investment in a few dresses which make me feel like I have a little bit of feminine power left is essential to my mental health as a sexual assault survivor and PTSD sufferer. I know nobody asks me to explain myself, even when they should, but I just did. I did it so you would understand sometimes taking care of your health and providing for your future means spending money, no matter your debts. I deserve good shoes and clothing which I like, like you deserve good shoes and clothing which make you feel powerful.

So, when I bought this tuna I was reminding myself things are looking up and I was treating myself to something to remind me, in a situation which seemed designed to make me feel I am not deserving of good things, I do have worth. Normally I live on eggs, what’s on sale and frozen proteins, but I was celebrating myself because somebody needs too. Just kidding…I jest, but dealing with the trauma of being poor requires so much more than making a little bit more because it takes work to retain your humanity and your commitment to being kind, and sometimes this means spending money you could save. Sometimes the things we can do to help people in need are the things we would think are frivolous or not practical. I remember when I was in a bad position somebody asking me what would help me feel good about myself and I blushed and stammered out, I would like tweezers to care for the garden hedge which is my eyebrows. It was at a time I did not have the luxury of vanity but catching a glance in a mirror of my unkept brows seemed to take something away from me every time it happened. This little kindness would be scoffed at people who think people at soup kitchens should be grateful just to have food, but it made such a difference to me. At the time I was working and it was very hard to make the soup kitchen schedule so I was moved to tears when the soup kitchens distributed sandwiches I could take with me and eat at my own leisure or even eat in the break room with my fellow employees like I was just another employee. When people ask me what to buy to donate to food pantries I suggest things like brownie mixes which don’t require many ingredients because poor people like dessert too, culturally competent ingredients like sofrito, fish sauce, and spices which are pricey but are so much a part of the cuisines of certain cultures that not having them feels like yet another indignity, and things like tuna packets or individually packaged crackers because people who are working, seeking work or even tasked with making appointments need often to eat on the run. This is especially true of people who are struggling with having, finding or keeping housing. Food is part of the human experience, and having these little dignities makes getting through what you are getting through easier. If you are feeding yourself well, it is so much easier to do hard things.

For this meal I cooked myself, I thanked the fish who gave its life so I could eat, I thanked my complicated faith which in its compassion for the poor made me feel valuable even when I was my poorest, I thanked the people who have given me opportunities to emerge from this quagmire, I thanked the people who deal with me when I am difficult and despairing because they have helped keep my soul alive, I thanked the people who care about me in agencies whom I have at times resented but who have tried to be fair the tragically moral, but lovablely stubborn idealist (some would say and hellion) I have always been and I thanked my world for making me feel I was so essential I had to keep fighting, even if at times it felt like I was not fighting for myself. The purpose of this post was not to chide my readers, it was to talk about something which I find embarrassing in the hope it will create more understanding for others and it might lead to more compassionate conversations about how we see need. In this year so many people who had not ever experienced need found themselves needing help and my hope is these people will work towards creating a culture where needing is not pathologized, but is seen as part of the human condition. We all need things and help every day, and the way to respect a person, especially a hurting person, is to respect their needs as valid and to do for them, what they articulate they know should be done to feed the needs of their bodies and their spirits.

“God, to those who have hunger, give bread, and to us who have bread, give the hunger for justice. ~”

Tuna with wasabi mashed potatoes and Cooked rosemary carrots

Strawberry Cheesecake…with store bought cake mix

Hits Well strawberries and cream are kind of an epic combo regardless of where and how it happens and this recipe is not different. When it set it more like a whipped strawberry shortcake cake pie than an actual cheesecake, but it was received very well at Mother’s Day so I consider it a success.

Misses So I made this late at night, I cut it very close in terms of setting time and it did not set in the traditional amount of time it said in the recipe it would take. As I think back, I would have cooled the crust more if I could but I did not have the time and also, I am pretty sure I over whipped the cream. I added the sugar after I whipped the cream cheese and heavy cream and I think I over whipped it. Honestly, since we’re being so transparent I had to work so I had to ask the Cold Spring Cheese Shop staff if they would refrigerate it for me while I was at work and I dedicate this cake to them! When I was picking it up they said “ You took a risk leaving it with us…you know, we love cheese”…I laughed and said “Risk I was willing to take!Thanks for saving this cake!”

Ingredients

Golden Cake Mix (and whatever it needs on the box)

2 cups of heavy cream

2 8 ox bars of cream cheese

2 pints of strawberries (or so)

cup of confectioner’s sugar

Bake your cake

I made my cake and then told it not to feel bad because there are more important things than being pretty.

Preheat the oven to whatever it says on the box. Prepare the cake mix, pour half of it into a lined greased springform pan (I used an 11 inch, but it calls for a 8 inch springform pan). Bake until it is done (keep checking it). This kind of situation is why they invented parchment paper. My cake was thinner than expected, but I made it work!

Remove the Cake

carefully, not “Clare”-fully.

If you do it “Clare”-fully like me you will be doing it too late at night and you will kind of mess it up.which I did. but I fixed it

Yes, it is not my best cake

My cake broke because it was so thin but I pieced it back together…cake is cake. In this dish the cake is the bottom crust so you have some wiggle room

Strawberries? Please

I over bought strawberries, but this just meant I had more to add. Cut your strawberries in halves so they are uniform, because they’ll be part of the decorations. If they’re not super sweet gentle sprinkle sugar over them.

Lining the pan or working on making it pretty

Take your strawberries and line the inside of your springform pan so they uniformly will set and either face all of them in or all of them out, so you know, it looks good.

Be creative

If you have extra strawberries lay them on a layer on top of the cake before you put in the cream cheese mixture. Let the cake completely cool.

Cream Cheese,

Heavy Cream &

Sugar walked into a bar

Add the whipped cream into your standup mixer, whip. Then, add the heavy cream, a cup at a time and then add the sugar. Whip until peaks form - The recipe called for adding the sugar and then the heavy cream, which I will do next time because I feel like I over whipped the cream. C’est la vie.

You Whipped it. Whipped it real good.

Now it’s time to build your cake. Make sure the crust is cooled and spoon the filling on top of the cake, being careful to preserve the ring of strawberries around the side. Use a spatula to smooth over the top and then arrange the strawberries in a beautiful pattern. Put the cake in the fridge for 5-7 hours. *Please note: My cake had a hard time setting but I attribute this to not completely cooled cake crust and my fridge and bad luck. I checked at hour 6 and it was not set yet!

Mother’s Day is often painful for me. I think every Mother’s Day, “Next year I will have the life I want, the life I was promised” and then next year comes and my position is the same or worse. This year I took control of my Mamma’s Day (As I think of it) and focused on the Mammas in my life I wanted to celebrate or comfort. I made some gifts for people who had become Mamma’s or for whom being a Mamma has been hard this year. I made sm donations for my friends and fam who I felt needed some remembrance to charities which they would believe in either because of who their children are, how they became mammas, what their heart is or who they love. I collected thoughtful presents I could afford for my mamma. I prayed. I sent messages. I wrote cards, and I made this cake.

It was important this year to make a cake which incorporated some Mamma shortcut for busy Mammas want to make something but don’t have hours to slave over an elaborate dessert. I realize sometimes I have hurt peoples feelings very unintentionally by cooking elaborate recipes they don’t have time for, going the extra mile when it seemed like I was showing off or disparaging shortcuts in the kitchen like sauces or box recipes. I wanted this cake to be a reflection of the fact I understand there is so much worth in making what you have time to make, especially if you make it with love. The reality is there is so much beauty in having your biggest accomplishment of the day be you got your child to eat their box macaroni and cheese and their apple slice. Sometimes my greatest accomplishment of my day is eating box macaroni cheese and all my apple slices. I made this cake for mammas who read this blog and are constantly given the message no matter what they’re doing something wrong; chances are if you’re worried if you’re not being a good mamma because Pinterest tells you there’s a way to be a perfect mamma, you’re probably trying your best. We do the best we can for the children we love, and if they know every box cake and apple slice came from a place of love, you’ve done something special.

My candid reflection: Motherhood is something I always wanted and then my life turned upside down. It is still something I want in a way which feels like sometimes my need is gnawing at my heart. I realize my sadnesses over many things sometimes seem to make it feel like I am not as present as I always was for people who love me and sadly, for the children I interact with who I love. Nothing is more gratifying than watching people you love as Mammas, especially if being a Mamma was something they had to fight for or were scared might not ever happen. There is something so beautiful at seeing your specials at their most selfless and sometimes even at their most stressed, because over and over again they seem to rise to the occasion. They are surprisingly insightful, uncharacteristically humble and even devastatingly compassionate about their kiddos travels through the world. I think what people have a hard time talking to me about is that nobody ever thought, when everything went to the place spelled with double hockey sticks,, that I would be just watching them with their children. Nobody thought this would look like this, and it is hard to look me in my eyes when it is so obvious somebody got something very wrong.

It’s ok. Well, It is going to be ok. My intention of making this cake was to celebrate Mammas because I know I have said things in this blog which insinuate I think people have many free moments and everybody enjoys things like setting a table or decorating cookies. Thanks for reading - my intention was not to make you feel like you have to cook, look or be like me. I know I have said things to people I love which feel like an accusation they don’t care or they’re not sad for how everything seemed to happen. I wanted them to know I want to celebrated them this Mamma’s Day especially my siblings and my sisterfriends. I had somebody well, many people know and in her journey to become a Mamma she became meaner (she was already mean, but she became meaner), resentful, and willing to say very hurtful things. She made people with children feel like they should apologize for their lives and she even talked derisively about children she had not ever met. Her pain became destructive and it hurt many people. Having known her, I had no desire to become something like her, so I just decided my pain was private and then I realized many people started believing I had rearranged my expectations about how happy I was going to be allowed to be in this life. I haven’t. I just don’t want people I love who are happy to think I begrudge them their happiness. Honestly I don’t. I know I have said things which I had to say which have hurt people regarding a bunch of stuff. I had to say it. for my sanity. While all the people I love were not going to be at the table on Mamma’s day, some were and I wanted them to know I made an effort because even though it is sad to watch other people’s joy, I want them to have joy. Me saying I want to be joyful, is not me saying I want you to be sad or guilty or hide your special mamma moments because hearing them will hurt too much.

In reflection, I think without intention my elaborate desserts or my involved recipes have made people feel like I was trying to shine a light on what they were doing in their kitchens. Without ever thinking my trying so hard to be involved and to participate with special gestures and unique appetizers or hand painted cards, came off as trying to make their contributions seem small. I was just thinking “I have time- if you were wondering how hard it is to make bagels I tried for you and me. It’s hard, by the way.”Not once have I ever actually thought if you’re an exhausted mamma and you don’t make it to your workout or if you’re balancing a bunch of things and you decide to buy cupcakes for your child’s bake sale that this makes you not a special mamma or a special person. Since I have been busy trying to make sense of the loss of my time I fill my days with planning special things the way I used to. Maybe I disparaged “from a box cooking” as a joke, but the reality is I enjoy cooking and if it’s not your thing or you don’t have time, or you don’t think it’s important it is not a value based thing. Yes, I think we should strive to always be healthy in how we eat, but I think we should strive more to be whole and to embrace ourselves, whether we’re covered in flour or sunless tanner, tattoos or bug spray. If every once in while you do something not the way you wished you did it, then you’re in good company with me. If my efforts to make peace with my pain have made people I love feel like I am trying to show off or hurt them or make them feel like am trying to make their efforts seem small, I’m sorry. If you have felt like this around me, I am so sorry. Honestly, I was just trying to contribute, and make things special. I was just trying to do things I would be doing, if I had vast amounts of free time, if I had the life I had always dreamed about. I was just trying to make things better. If how I have written in this blog has made people feel bad about using margarine or not wanting to bake from scratch or has made you feel sanctimonious or stressed, I’m sorry. I was trying to say thanks. I was trying prove I am still myself. I was proving to myself I am still myself. I was trying release myself. I was trying to just do something more over doing what people said I would be able to do.

I am sorry if this how some of the Mammas I love felt, so I baked you a cake. And talked about how I messed it up.

Happy late mamma’s day!

Israeli Couscous and Chicken Sausage skillet

Hits Well, I’m a sausage girl and when I discovered chicken sausage it was such a revelation. “You mean” I said to myself “I can have sausage sometimes without the sausage guilt? awesome.” I have checked the internet and it looks like you could also use vegan sausage, because unlike most sausage recipes, you are not looking for the renderings to provide the base everything else will be cooked in. As a self professed sausage girl (yes, I understand how it can be misread and I’m ok with it) I do eat traditional Italian sausage, hotdogs, salami, pepperoni, coneys (which you might have to look up and they taste better than they look) and even the occasional brat, but this recipe is on the lighter side of things made with ingredients, which come, well, in this shape. I have made it several times and it’s as easy as it is delicious

Misses As I said I have made this several times before and I think the only miss is I have not experimented yet with adding vegetables to the mix so it’s a little light and more nutritious. I think carrots or parsnips might work …I’ll keep you posted!

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons olive oil

• 1 package (12 ounces) fully cooked spinach and feta chicken sausage links or flavor of your choice, sliced

• 1 small onion, finely chopped

• 1 celery rib, finely chopped

• 1 garlic clove, minced

• 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

• 1 cup water

• 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

• 1-1/4 cups uncooked pearl (Israeli) couscous

• 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley

• 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese, optional

  Plan of Attack

Onions are the key to this dish

They create the base of aromatic goodness

Dice your onions. I was being frugal so I used a shallot and what was left of an onion I had used in a previous recipe. Shallots, always, add subtle sweetness, and next time I make this I will make exclusively with shallots and see it makes a difference.

Coin your sausage

Make them the same size so they cook evenly

Coin your chicken sausage- I used sweet red pepper Italian flavored chicken sausage but you could use whatever seems to tempt your palate. I’m a such a sucker for Italian spice combinations I gravitate towards this kind in the grocery store.

Start Cooking

Don’t blink or you’ll miss it. This dish comes together so quickly!

Add a tsp of oil to your medium skillet and when hot, turn down the heat to medium and render your onions. When aromatic, add the garlic for about 60 seconds, being careful not to burn the garlic. Add the coined chicken sausage and turn them so they end up evenly browning. Now, remember this is not traditional sausage and is much leaners so you might find yourself needing to add more olive oil…Don’t stress!

The Perfect Marriage

Comforting. A little spicy. Healthier than expected.

I confess I always use traditional chicken stock, and not low sodium when low sodium is called for an I adjust accordingly. The red pepper flakes add a level of complexity and a subtle spiciness which goes perfectly with the rest of the ingredients. Since this recipe calls for adding feta, I adjusted the amount of Feta later because Feta is so salty and I added traditional chicken stock.

Couscous Love

These tiny balls of gluten just fill my comfort tank.

Measure it carefully because pearl couscous absorbs so much liquid, it will surprise you. The recipe calls for only your straight cup, so add a straight cup

Quiet. The magic is happening

Stir in the couscous. Turn down the heat to medium low for simmering. Cover, and set your time for 9-11 minutes. Check on it at minute 5-6, and stir. Recover.

Donesky.More-onsky

This phrase was uttered during my childhood when I was being told I was done. This dish is so good the 9 minutes seems like so much time to cook (Even though it’s not)…and then I want to say something equally as silly because I’m so exited.

Remove the couscous mixture from the heat. Stir in Feta and whatever herbs you feel so inclined to add.. ENJOY!

My comments: Often we eat, but we don’t ever think bout the history of what we’re eating.

Throughout this post I called this starch “couscous” but it’s not actually couscous. Because of it’s shape it is sometimes called Pearl couscous and because of it’s origin, Isreali couscous, but it’s actual name is ptitim. It is made from a paste of wheat and was invented in response for a need for an affordable starch which could take the place of rice. Yes folks, it was made to be cheaper than rice.

I love it. It’s awesome. I cook with it whenever I can and I find recipes on the internet just so I can cook with it. Today posting this recipe seems like a political act and it isn’t. Respectfully, I respect people who are mourning always and I ache for peace for all people. I have no political opinion I am willing to share about the conflict happening in Isreal and Palestine because I am not an expert and there is so much pain revolving around this scared tiny place I would be foolish to think I should speak about it and that speaking about it would not hurt people I care about. Since I am not an expert I would inevitably do somebody a disservice.

I will say this:. Recently I was told somebody accused me of being naive because I talk about praying for peace as if peace will ever happen. She actually called me the most naive person she had ever met if I thought peace was possible or it was something to talk about. I am many things. I’m hard working. I’m crafty. I’m a person who has to work to keep her temper. I’m a wild woman who does not like shoes and believes in the magic of shooting stars. I’m hard to understand and some people might say hard to to like. I’m loyal. I’m kind. I believe in reciprocity, even if it takes a while. I believe in justice. I believe in reading to children. I am tough. I am tender with the young and the broken. I believe in second chances. but… I am not naive. In my heart I have come to the realization that at this point, humanity has the ability to destroy itself so if we are to survive, peace is not simply an option, it is our only option. My losses, my broken road, and my uniquely sad journey, have taught me peace is the only option because I seen the disaster which happens when peace is not given a chance in families, between communities and in the world. I have also been helped by people who should hate each other (and some still do), working together in the name of peace and fairness. While I am not as wise as the wisest, I deeply know I would not be alive if not for people deciding some things are more important than hurts, even ancient hurts.

In my faith, another name for the central character of the whole shebang is “Prince of Peace” .My faith teaches me praying for peace matters, and since I feel calmed when I pray, I do. Since I have studied history, I do know wars end and in places tragically rocked by violence, there emerges always at some point uneasy (arguably) but consistent peace. Maybe not for always, but for sometimes, peace happens and when it happens it creates spaces for people to breathe, make artwork, cook, gather, pray, sing, love and build. When I pray for peace I always think about these moments, because they should not just be moments. When I speak about peace, I speak about it not as an “if” but as a “when”.

As lucky would have it, for this blog, I have recently cooked recipes which involve ingredients from an area of the world which today I am praying for. I celebrate the people I love and I mourn losses of people I don’t know but for whom there will be people mourning. Often I celebrate people by cooking food which is of their culture or of their heart. When a child dies tragically, it does not matter to me who they are or how their parents pray. It matters they are gone and all the promise they had locked in their tiny bodies is gone; they were born essential and the world has been robbed of their contributions and their light. We might have just lost the next great peacemaker, in this tragedy unfolding in this sacred place so far away. So even though when I cooked a dish about Ramadan people might have said I was making a statement against Jewish people or when I cooked Israeli couscous people might say I am making a pro-israel statement, I was simply cooking food to honor people I deeply care about. I cannot offer wisdom about this conflict, but I can say I am hoping peace comes, and it comes soon.

Lemon Ricotta Cheesecake - Republished from April 2018

This recipe is something you have to try, either for your sweetheart or for people who fill your life with love and laughter! I made this for my parents initially and have made it since for my nieces’ bday because nobody says “no thanks” to raspberries and lemon cheesecake! Consider it my Valentines Day Gift to you, my readers!

I have adjusted the format to align with this blog’s evolution. I am working towards being able to directly link old recipes to my newsletter, but alas, it’s still a work in progress. Nothing says “love” more than an Italian dish which takes some serious elbow grease! Build 2-3 hours into your schedule to bake this, to account for cooling and cooking time, and more if your kitchen is hot. If your springform pan is smaller than indicated it will take a moment more and if recipe requires a smaller pan, the big pan will cook slightly more quickly.

Recipe Hits: I have made this recipe several times and it does not every disappoint. It is rich and not as sweet as traditional cheesecakes but the Ricotta makes it taste light and almost whipped.

Recipe Misses: The first time I made this I should have whisked more…well…yea, more. It was still super well received, but we’re all our own worst critics and I was, as I ate it, judging my wimpy whisking….

My comments from 2018:

My Comments: I couldn't find semolina flour so I used traditional unbleached flour. I invested in a risk after this, because I didn't have a risk before, but it is actually a testament to how well the dessert was received I felt compelled to invest in my own set of wisks! I bought 3 so I can whisk like the wishing maniac I aspire to be! I have not ever made cheesecake from scratch before, so I over cooked it a little bit. I added the zest of 2 medium lemons, Word to the wise: Remove from oven when it is not soupy but still and little bit fluidly moving because as it cools it'll firm up! I didn't have a 11 inch springform pan, so it took 6-13 minutes more than the hour indicated but I got rave reviews from the people I made it for, and I plan on making again!

Ingredients

3 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 quart whole milk

1 ¾ cups semolina flour

½ teaspoon kosher salt

1 ¾ cups sugar

1 large or 2 small lemons

4 large eggs

1 pound (2 cups) fresh ricotta cheese, strained

 Confectioners’ sugar for sprinkling

Cake:

PREPARATION (Copied directly from he NY Times Cooking Website

Preheat the oven to 325. Butter an 11-inch round cake pan.

Heat the milk in a medium saucepan over medium heat until simmering, then whisk in the semolina and salt. Boil, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes. Remove the saucepan from the heat, and stir in the sugar and butter until combined. Transfer the batter to a bowl to cool it down to warm, stirring frequently to prevent a skin from forming.

Zest the lemons, using only the yellow part, and stir into the batter. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, until combined. Beat in the ricotta.

Pour the batter into the pan, and bake until set and golden in places, about 1 hour. Transfer the pan to a rack to cool, and sprinkle with confectioners’ sugar while still hot. Once the cake has cooled, sprinkle with confectioners’ sugar once more, then serve.

Heat the Milk With Care

Make sure you’re keeping an eye towards not heating it too quickly!

Heat the milk over medium heat and before its rolling boiling, add the semolina (or whatever flour you are using).

Then whisk The semolina and salt. Boil, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes.

WHISK!

Keep whisking the mixture to get all the clumps out. This is not for the weak of heart but there’s a reward at the end of all your whisking (besides arm exercise!)

Patience is virtuous

Making sure your batter has cooled is essential before adding the egg. If you add it too early you’ll have scrambled eggs!

Beat in your eggs, an egg at a time. The bowl should be cool to the touch and when you test with your finger, the batter should at least have cooled to lukewarm. You didn't do all this whisking to drop the ball at the home stretch and add your eggs too early!

Zesting Time!

Make sure you don’t scrimp on the lemon zest and even add a little juice if you’re super into citrus

Zest the lemons, using only the yellow part, and stir into the batter. Beat in the ricotta.

Pour the batter into the pan

Cook until slightly quivery

All egg based dishes (baked custard, cheesecakes, quiches) have a little movement in the middle, even when they’re cooked through. Judge the doneness not by if it has some movement by what it looks like. *I over cooked this the initial time I made this!

Bake for 60 minutes and remove from the oven when all places are golden. You can always cook it more if it is underdone but there’s no way to fix an overbooked cake…I mean, maybe, like A LOT of frosting, but this cake? Just cook it for 60 minutes…

BONUS RECIPE:

Raspberry Sauce

Raspberry Sauce!! Make it or make the candied lemon peel published later in this blog…both add something so special to this cake you just slaved over!

Serving Suggestion: Garnish with ripe raspberries and raspberry sauce

INGREDIENTS

1 cup raspberry jam

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

PREPARATION

Copied Directly from the NY Times - Heat the jam and juice together in a small heavy saucepan until melted and combined. Strain the sauce, discarding any seeds if desired, then serve with migliaccio. I added ripe raspberries to the saucepan with he jam and lemon juice and it was successful!

Chicken Tortilla Soup (based on recipe from the Pioneer Woman, Rhea Drummond)

Recipe Hits and Misses

Recipe Hits: Flavorful, hearty and worth the effort, I found myself mentally doing this recipe to my “will make again” list. You could very easily make this recipe vegetarian by using vegetable stock instead of chicken stock and adding more legumes in place of chicken.

Recipe Misses: Well, it was solely my “miss”. I did not add the Masa or the tortillas because I was looking for something, on this day, a little carb “lite”. As you can see from the photo I ended up garnishing with crushed tortilla chips so apparently it would have been just as simple to follow the recipe exactly. I have not included the cornmeal or tortillas in my ingredients list because I did not use them….I will in the future try to, but I am all about transparency. I’ll admit - I was kind of intimidated by this step! I probably missed out and would have had a heartier meal …yup I have soup regrets.

My thoughts

I am sure I am not in the minority when I say after this year it seems slightly unfair to be digging out from under all this snow! Warm water, sandy beaches and fiesta flavors seem to be what I am thinking about and short of a plane ticket to paradise, this soup satisfied my summer cravings better than well, another kind of soup. In a spirit of transparency I have been working on doing a bunch of projects so I am writing this post a few weeks after I actually cooked this soup and I have made some soup since, actually yesterday, but I am actually hungry thinking of how good this was! In recent years I have not had resources to satiate my travel bug, but eating foods from other places has fed my soul and lit in me a determination to tastefully eat myself around the world when I am flush and well…vaccinated.

Ingredients

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin

About 1 1/4 teaspoons chilli powder

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 cup diced onion

1/4 cup diced green bell pepper

1/4 cup diced red bell pepper

3 cloves garlic, minced

One 10-ounce can diced tomatoes and green chiles, such as Rotel

5 cups low-sodium chicken broth *or vegetable broth for vegetarian modifications

3 cups hot water

3 tablespoons tomato paste

Two 15-ounce cans black beans, drained *plus additional beans if you are omitting the chicken

Plan of Attack

Preheat the oven to 380 Degrees

Mix your cumin, tsp of chili powder (Mexican), garlic powder, salt and pepper. Reserve some of the spice mixture for later.

Drizzle the chicken breasts with olive oil and cover them with this spice rub mixture. Cook until they are cooked through, about 15-22 minutes, depending on your oven. I find my oven runs very hot, and it’s super tiny so it gets hot more quickly than your average oven of the same age. Follow your gut- you know your oven so cook until it’s done.

Prep your chicken

Prepping and cooking the chicken before adding to soup means it is flavorful and easily shredded

Some thoughts to comfort you - you are shredding the chicken so cutting it open to see it’s doneness is totally ok and also If it gets a little over done it’s not the end of the world because you are submerging it in the chicken broth after it i Over done chicken is better than a stomach ache, so I always err on the side of “definitely done” when cooking my breasts in the oven.

Adios boring soup…

Flavorful bright flavors here we come! Adding jalapeños and sweet bell peppers makes this soup flavorful and spicy, but in a comforting way. Summer flavors in the middle of this cold winter? YES PLEASE!

Dice your onions, peppers, jalapeños (if you’re using) and garlic cloves. Add olive oil to your deep bottomed pot and add the onions. When they become aromatic, add the peppers and garlic. Add the remaining spice mixture directly to the vegetables, cook for 5-6 minutes, then add the remaining ingredients except the Masa and tortilla strips (if you’re following the source recipe exactly. Cook for 25 minutes (or so) on medium low.

Shred your chicken

While the soup cooks, shred the chicken. Add it when the soup has completely integrated, cook for 2-3 minutes, garnish and serve hot.